Fractured English

As owner of the world's largest collection of "fumblerules" of grammar, William Safire, in his book On Language passes along a bunch of these never say-neversms:

Don't use no double negatives.  
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.  
Proof read carefully to see if you any words out.  
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.  
Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.  
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.  
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.  
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.  
Don't string too many prepositional phrases together, unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.  
"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks".' "  
If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.  
Eschew dialect, irregardless.  
Don't overuse exclamation marks! ! !  
Write all adverbial forms correct.  
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.  
Avoid colloquial stuff.  
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.  

- Published by Time books